Happy Boy II

Sigh....

Africa Again

Well, headed off to Africa for a while -- this time I have to bring back a carved lion for Anne, a carved elephant for Henrietta and carved meat for me (actually, I'll be eating that while in Africa - the TSA dudes frown on cooked meat, 4 oz. or more of hair gel and belt buckles). But probably the most surprising thing about sub-Saharan Africa (I've been to South Africa, Swaziland, Mozambique, Kenya and Tanzania already, and will go this time to South Africa, Zambia, Zimbabwe and Botswana) is how great the soup is!! Pumpkin soup, carrot soup, tomato soup -- any kind of vegetable soup -- it's amazing -- the best soup I've ever had anywhere. In fact, my favorite meal in Africa is tomato soup, an orange Fanta and a cup of coffee. Who knew??? Anyway, if you ever get the chance, take a safari in Africa -- it's better than you can imagine. Jambo!

Tshukudu

Tshukudu (chew-coo-do), which means "rhino" in Sotho (sue-too) is also the name of THE BEST BUSH LODGE in South Africa. All meals and drinks (to include open bar) are included, as well as morning and afternoon private game drives in Pilanesburg National Park. The accommodations are five star, the game are the Big 5, and I give it 5 thumbs up!!! Go and be spoiled.

Edit, then Edit Some More

More is less (more or less), it would seem, according to “Timely letters welcome” policy displayed daily on the Opinion page. Among the directions for Letters to the Editor submissions are the following: “Letters will be edited. Letters should be 200 words or less….” Yet, on the very same day – April 30 – three of the five published letters exceeded the “200 words or less” policy (one with 211, the second with 215, and the third with a whopping 218). So, The State, which is it going to be? Edited letters or no word limit? Ok, maybe you did whittle down those three letters from a combined 3,000 words or so, but why not go ahead and leave the other 44 on the shavings heap as well? If you’re counting, there are 132 words in this letter so far – counting the first “132” as the 132nd word, of course, but who really knows if this letter has been edited before it’s read, and my 132-word count (now up to 169) was really 247 or thereabouts? And does “132-word count” count as two or three words? I’m betting only two, so I am able to get one crucial extra word in: 200.

Happy Days No More

We just lost the best dog that ever lived - best because he was ours and we here his. No disputing that. He's gone now, and sadness will rule for quite a while:

No, no, no life!

Why should a[nother] dog, a horse, a rat, have life,

And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,

Never, never, never, never, never! - - Shakespeare

But sadness will turn to good memories of the happy days with Happy Boy -- and sooner than we think. He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have. He is just my dog. - - Gene Hill

Goodbye, Happy Boy -- and thanks for everything.

Government Rebate

Can't decide what to do with your $300, $600, $1,200 or more - depending upon your dependents - that the government is sending you this year? A lot of people are planning to buy new flat screens to simultaneously stimulate the economy and their American Idol-My Name Is Earl-Big Brother viewing. But I have another idea -- if you would all send me your government rebate checks, I will invest the money to offset fees for study abroad programs for our college students, cite each of you as a sponsor (tax deductible, of course), and provide an experience for our youth that will pay off dividends for them and our country in years to come. Not interested? Well, Costco has a huge sale on flat screen TV's to make room for their looming stockpile of rice.

Presidential Anagrams (or "Realign Damn Parasites")

Anagrams are truly a thing of beauty -- simple, honest and totally revealing; a person's true nature cannot stay hidden for very long. And politians' anagrams are the best. For example, President-elect Clinton (although not much chance of THAT happening) morphs magically into decent little Sniper-con. Simply beautimous! And to be "fair and balanced," let's not leave out Senator Obama, which transforms into At base, a Moron. What about Senator John McCain? That's easy - major Icon enchants (so, do you think I'm gonna' vote Republican, or what?) And although it's customary to leave 'em wanting more, here's one for the road: Democratic Party = Cramped Atrocity.

A Reluctant President

George Washington has been our only true "reluctant" president -- a shame, actually, that he was both first and last in that respect, since everybody since - from John Adams to the current three-headed monster of McHillarbama - were/are about as reluctant to be president as Robert Mugabe (which, by the way, is an anagram for "Mob rage brute"). Anyway, we - the U.S. of A. - are in dire need of another reluctant president -- someone qualified to be president who doesn't really want to be president (instead of the other way 'round). Colin Powell seemed to be that person a few years back, but his reluctance was actually more of an aversion. So, who are those Americans out there that are well-known, qualified and at least a tad bit interested in the job, but still genuinely and sincerely reluctant to take on such a responsibility? Here's my short list (and, no, I don't have a long list): Brad Warthen, Pat Summit, and Dennis Miller. Well, I warned you that it was a short list. But I've got an editorial writer, a basketball coach and an obscure-reference comic in there; I think I'd be satisfied with any of them, because I'm pretty sure they'd be reluctant to take the job (at least until their first flight on AF1 to visit the Crowned Heads of Europe), and consequently, would be great at it. At least we'd have some champions of public education (Brad), teamwork and sacrifice (Pat), or verbal alacrity (Dennis), who would get my vote just because, in his own words, he's "always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. So, maybe he is a word nerd, but what an inaugural address we'd have!!!